Family
by it makes sense in context
Summary: As she lies dying Carolina looks back over the life she lived, and the families she knew.


' _Carolina? Agent Carolina?'_

' _Carrie can you hear me?'_

' _Carolina you're going to be okay'_

' _Lina it's okay. You collapsed but you're okay.'_

' _Is Carolina gonna d-'_

' _Shut up Caboose she's fine.'_

' _Just listen to my voice Carolina. I want you to think about your family okay? Just think about them and don't stop okay? You're going to be fine.'_

My family, huh? The words drift through the haze of pain and confusion that is your mind. They dance around, elusive to you. Who is your family? Why do they matter? What is a family? You don't have a family. Your family is dead. But you do have a family, one that looks like a rainbow.

Memories float past of a woman. She has dirty blonde hair and a smile wide as the ocean. She stands next to a man with hair dark as the night and a lopsided grin. You realise that you are 6 years old and you are playing little league Tee-Ball. The man and the woman are your parents, they are your family. You cannot remember if you won the game.

You are ten now. An urn sits on the mantelpiece, the name 'Allison' is engraved in it. You stare at it, like you do every day. You feel anger and sadness. Sadness that she is gone. Anger that she is gone. The man that is your father locks himself in his office. You haven't seen him in a week. You push open his door and place a cup of ramen on his desk. Then you make your own. You live in the same house as a ghost you think to yourself. It is not the one on the mantelpiece.

When you are sixteen you have learned to cook. You learned your mothers bolognaise recipe, and you placed it on your father's desk. When he brings his plate out he calls you Allison. Your name is not Allison. You stay a friend's house that night. She helps you dye your hair. You realise that the ghost in your house is you.

You leave on your eighteenth birthday. There is a note on your table telling the man you call dad that there is dinner in the fridge, and that there are frozen meals in the freezer. The day after your eighteenth birthday you join the army. You say goodbye to the only family you ever knew.

You question if you were a family at all.

You don't know family again until you are twenty-five. This family is different. There are a brother and a sister, 'they are twins' some-one whispers, and many more. There is also a man in tan armour, who whispered your name in the middle of the night. You try to hold these memories, they are nice. You feel loved in these memories. But they slip away, torn to shreds by the man who's DNA you share. You feel your hatred growing.

Years later your Hatred still burns. Most of that family is dead now. But you have mourned them. Now you want revenge. You meet two families, a Red one and a Blue one, and you make them help you. You also find a brother, but you don't understand. You never had a brother. This brother is small and blue and he wants to help you so you let him. The other families come to help you too. You realise that they are actually one big family. It makes you a little nostalgic.

You confront your father. He is old now, and still lamenting the loss of your mother. You feel a mixture of love for your father and burning hatred for his actions and disgust over what he has become. You came here to kill him, but you can't. He begs you to leave your gun and you do. Later you hear that he is dead. It doesn't make you feel better, but now you can start to move on. Your brother-who-is-not-your-brother comes with you. You have a lot to talk about.

Later you return to the family that is Red and Blue. They accept you into their family easily, your brother is one of them after all. You learn about them, their roles in the family and the bonds of comradery and love that bind them thicker than any blood (though there is plenty of that around, this is a war after all). This family has been through hell together, and they are prepared to support you through the same. After you brother dies they are there for you. You stay with them. They are your family now.

You stay with this family for a long time, through terrors worse than you darkest nightmares, and times of peace that you couldn't have ever imagined. They are your family now and you love them

You never wanted to worry them so you never told them. How could ypu have? They were so kind and sweet. You could never dream of making them share your burden. So you never told them.

Oh you know the Aqua one knew. From the long looks and sad eyes. He knew. You just never wanted to tell.

Never told them when you stopped feeling well.

Never told them about your doctors appointments.

Never told them about your diagnosis.

' _Carolina are you still there answer me'_

' _Is she-'_

" _I dunno buddy, it doesn't look good'_

Never told them you were dying, and now they are here and they are crying and you realise that they are so, so much sadder than if you had just told them.

You squeeze the hand that is holding yours and you try to smile.

You try to rasp out your final goodbye. You aren't sure if it makes it.

You hope they know you loved them all.


End file.
